This is sort of a continuation from two previous blogs, Work and Fun Reactions and Procrastination.
I've noticed that while I'm writing myself out or typing these blogs, I feel like I want to rush through it so I can just get to the point already. Like I want to get it done instead of taking the time to enjoy what I'm doing and really figure myself out, I mean figure it out until I can't get it wrong anymore when I've cleared up the point entirely.
Along with this tendency to rush through to a point, I also find myself doing it half-heartedly. If I were really taking the time to write down every possible thing I could to really get to the underlying layers, then it seems natural that I would be giving it my all and probably even enjoying taking my time instead of treating it like it's something I have to get done immediately. I often see these excuses/thoughts coming up within me, excuses that lead me away from what I'm doing here and tempt me to rush through a point so I can follow that thought and then I don't see what I was placing my attention on before.
Seeing this within myself, I see that I hardly ever take the time to enjoy myself while I'm participating within an activity. Whether it be writing, blogging, or even preparing a meal for myself, exercising, just walking from place to place, playing a game, having a conversation with someone, and even getting to know myself.
By continuing this habit of rushing and only participating within something 'half-way' I'm creating a short-attention span for myself where I'm just bouncing from one thing to the next without getting a grip. I miss out on things that I could have seen if I had slowed myself down. That's what the breathing is for. It assists me in slowing myself down.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to want/desire to rush from one thing to the next - instead of taking time and care to assist and support myself within stability and breathing.
I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that I need to slow myself down and stop myself from rushing through points to really effectively peel off the layers so I can see the whole of the thought patterns, emotions, and feelings that I participate within - I realize that I am not this rushing I experience, but it is a self-defense mechanism created through the mind designed to keep me distracted from myself, and what's really going on Here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush through points in self-writing and self-forgiveness because I feel like I want to get it done now so I can do something else afterwards - I realize that I cannot get anything done right now as to get something finished takes time and a step by step process, same as writing and self-forgiveness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow a feeling that I want to rush through a point to get it out of the way so I can move on to something else
I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to take time to enjoy myself within my writing and blogging as it is a way to uncover who I really am to get to fully know myself.
I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to take time to really write out points one-layer at a time to effectively peel of the layers of the mind constructs I've created instead of only half-heartedly writing - I realize that peeling off the layers of my mind one-by-one is the most effective way to stop the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only half-heartedly take the time to get to know myself through writing, blogging, and self-forgiveness - I realize that it is going to take full commitment from me to get this Journey to Life done in the best possible way and there can not be any half-assed attempts at living life.
I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to take time to really figure out things until I can't get them wrong instead of looking at them with eyes half-open.
I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to give my writing and self-forgiveness the best of my ability - I realize that this is not what is best for all as it isn't even what's best for me.
I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to enjoy taking my time in participating throughout my day - I realize that the only real enjoyment of life comes from where life takes pace, the Physical.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give attention to thoughts and excuses that come up within my mind that draw me away from what is going on right in front of me, right here - I realize that thoughts are distractions and keep me preoccupied for a moment while reality is happening here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become tempted into following thoughts and excuses that come up within my mind instead of stopping them in the moment and forgiving myself for having allowed myself to become distracted my a menial thought.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become distracted from self-realization by following thoughts, feelings, and emotions that come up within my mind - I realize that thoughts, feelings, and emotions are not who I am and are really a distraction from myself as who I really am.
I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to enjoy living.
I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to enjoy me as life.
I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to enjoy the activities that I participate in within reality day by day, breath by breath - I realize that by virtue of breathing, I am able to participate within reality and enjoy reality
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to create a habit out of rushing from one thing to the next - I realize that when I am doing this, I have forgotten to breath and remain stable.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to miss out on the obvious by rushing from one thing to the next within my mind in and as reality - instead of remaining stable here within breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget to breath in every moment.
When and as I see myself distracted by a want/desire to rush form one thing to the next, I stop myself from participating within a desire to rush from one thing to the next and realize that I am the one doing this to myself as the mind to distract myself - I stop and breath and direct myself self-honestly through the point and release it from myself.
When and as I see myself finding an excuse as to why I should rush through my writing and self-forgiveness or anything that I could possibly enjoy or discover myself through, I stop myself from participating within the excuses, I breath and realize that I am the director of myself and I direct myself within self-honesty through this point of excusing myself to release it from myself.
When and as I find myself not enjoying myself within this reality, I stop myself from participating within this point of not enjoying myself and I realize that I am not this discontent with myself, that I do enjoy myself, I breath and direct myself through this point within self-honesty and I release it from myself.
When and as I see myself rushing from one thing to the next I stop myself from participating in the rush, I breath and realize that I am not here within breath, stable - so I return to breathe - I am putting myself into the position of rushing. So I stop and direct myself within self-honesty and release the point from myself.
When and as I see myself participating in becoming distracted from breathing, I stop myself from not breathing and realizing that where the breath is is where reality is taking place, so I continue my breathing and live with and as the breath to amalgamate myself here as stability as the breath within equality and oneness.
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