DAY 12: Fear of Other's Gossip

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to fear the judgments others impose on me, whether it be behind closed doors, among a group of people or within their minds, hidden away from everyone but themselves - I realize that I am not this fear of what others judge me as, as they aren't real and are figments of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that other people are talking about me behind my back or when I'm not with them, hearing it for myself - I realize that I am not this fear that others are speaking about me behind my back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a loss of my self-created image as ego when others are judging me/speaking about me behind my back or within their minds, 'secretly', possibly messing up the image I have created - I realize that I am not this fear of losing my self-created image as ego, because my ego is not who I am; it is fear of losing an illusion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry when I think/imagine that others are gossiping about me behind my back -  I realize that I am not this anger I experience when I imagine that others are gossiping about me behind my back since what I am imagining isn't real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry when I think/imagine that others are judging me behind my back, possibly even adding their own little flair making even more bullshit up about me - I realize that I am not this anger I experience when I imagine that others are judging me because imagination is make belief anyway.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others whom I believe are possibly judging me without knowledge thereof - I realize that I am not these judgments I impose on others and I realize that if I am judging another I am judging myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge those whom I believe are judging me behind my back as weak or inept because they don't have the audacity to speak their judgments to me directly - I realize that I am not these judgments I impose on others as weak or inept. My judgments do not exist and are a figment of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am important enough or more important then another for others to gossip behind my back - I realize that I am not not this belief that I am more important than another. In doing this I am seeing myself as more than another, instead of realizing that I am equal and one to everyone/thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fuel my own ego-superiority when I imagine/think that others are possibly talking about me without me knowing first-hand -  I realize that I am only perpetuating the fuck-up that is ego if I am giving it more power by becoming offended.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel offended that others are gossiping behind my back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others as less-than me because they are possibly gossiping about me - I realize that I am creating myself as less-than if I am in fact judging them/doing the same thing I am perceiving them to be less-than for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gossip within the confines of my mind, judging people in secret - I realize that in judging others I am actually judging myself because when I see others a certain way I am seeing myself the same way or a different way. Either way I look at it, if I judge then I judge myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself through judging others within my mind - I realize that I am not these judgments I impose upon myself and others as they in fact do not exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imply that if others are gossiping about me, then I am losing acceptance within a group of people/friends.

I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the loss of my acceptance within a group of people who might possibly be gossiping about me - I realize that this fear of losing acceptance is fearing losing my self-definition of myself as an ego personality that I've created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my communication with others so that I might keep my acceptance within a group of people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing a perceived trust among a group of friends/people when and as I imagine/think that they might possibly be gossiping about me - I realize that trust is another mind-fuck as in trusting someone other than myself I am asking to feel fucked by them later on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself to a group of people who gossip about one-another as I realize that I am not this definition I have given myself as it is not who I am in reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the change in my self-image within a group of gossipers, where I can't directly influence them when they are talking about me when I'm not there - I realize that this fear of change is actually a fear of ego disappearing and me as who I am returning/coming back to reality where ego cannot exist unless I am giving it control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience embarrassment when and as I perceive or belief others might be gossiping about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience embarrassment when and as I perceive others lying about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience embarrassment when and as I perceive others are seeing me in different way than what I desire them to see me as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become distracted by other people's gossiping.

I realize that I am not this embarrassment I experience myself as.

When and as I see myself participating within a fear of what others are thinking of me or speaking about me, I stop myself from participating within this fear and realize that I am fucking myself into a fear - fear does not exist, I breath and I realize that I am creating this fear for myself through the mind as a deception and distraction from reality. I stop myself and direct myself though the point of fear with self-honesty and I release it from myself.

When and as I see myself participating within a fear of loss of self-image, I stop myself from participating within this fear and realize that I am fucking myself by allowing myself to feel afraid; I breath and realize that I am creating this fear for myself and it is in fact a fear of the ego, taking place within deceiving myself. I stop and direct direct through this point of fear within self-honesty and release it from myself.

When and as I see myself participating within anger towards other beings gossiping about me, I stop myself from participating in anger towards gossip and realize that I am fucking myself through this participation; I breath and realize that I am creating this anger within me as a compounding of fear, and lies in deception. I stop and direct myself through this point of anger with self-honesty and release it from myself.

When and as I see myself fearing the loss of my ego through others gossiping about me, I sop myself from participating within this fear of loss of ego and realize that I am experiencing a mind-fuck created by that same ego; I stop and realize that I am creating this mind-fuck for myself so I direct myself through this point with self-honesty and release it from myself.

DAY 11: Stopping My Alcohol Use

For a while now, I've wanted to stop drinking alcohol. I've said to myself countless times that I would stop, saying "This will be my last drink" but to no avail as I find myself tempted into drinking at a later day when I  'forget' what I told myself, only to feel some remorse the day after. So why do I keep consuming alcohol?

In my experience, drinking alcohol has always been associated with a social gathering of some sort, like a party. Usually people I know or my friends are there. I anticipate a fun evening when I know that there's intoxication happening. Alcohol is a depressant and it relaxes me a lot to a point where I lose some of my self-control, and I've come to like that about alcohol because sometimes I perceive myself as uptight, but I'm not incapable of relaxing on my own. When I'm drunk I care a lot less about the consequences of my actions, so I'm liable to act or speak abusive/stupid shit to others, Alcohol use within a group of people seems to encourage open communication with one another, which seems very difficult at times. I get the impression that people don't want to be open and honest with each other most of the time, but when people are drunk that wall has been moved out of the way for a moment. It's not uncommon to see people 'bonding' together more often with alcohol in there veins.

I drink alcohol because of the social situation of people in the group or party drinking alcohol and seemingly having a great time, so I am tempted to join in. Honestly, I've worried about what other people would think of me if I just flat out said 'No' to consumption of alcohol at a party, as if it's unethical or something; like I'm not allowed to just enjoy myself without first ingesting poison. Wanting to be perceived as one of the group, I tend to feel a bit of embarrassment if I don't drink at a party where alcohol is provided. I've become very attracted(attached) to the situation where I feel more open with everyone, where the social parameters have been taken down as long as I'm drunk too.

There's a belief in me that if I consume alcohol it will alleviate any stress I feel beforehand, like it helps me to relax. If it's not me moving myself to relaxation/calmness, feeling like I need a drug to relax, than I am not standing clear within myself. Prior experiences of being drunk has led me to believe that I can communicate with females better, and I often find myself hoping that I can score with one too, even though I usually don't as I've always felt like it wasn't quite... natural if I had to be drunk in order to 'fool around'. A stress experienced within me is when I am in a group of a lot more people than I'm used to, and alcohol supposedly fixes this problem. I've defined myself as an introvert, so I feel like I'm expending energy if I'm within a group of people as opposed to a few or within solitude. Alcohol supposedly helps me to loosen my tongue or communicate better, which is bullshit because it actually becomes harder to speak while intoxicated - words become slurred and often times difficult to understand. I find that the more I get used to only being able to communicate openly with a person while drunk, the more difficult it is to communicate the same way when not drunk. Obvious, I guess...

Then there's the point of what alcohol is doing to my physical body, not only the point of what I experience' myself to be going through. It's been proven that alcohol harms the entire human physical body. The liver has to work extra hard in order to digest all the alcohol consumed from a night of drinking. The brain shrivels up. I become dehydrated, alcohol is a diuretic which means more bodily fluids are lost than the amount that was taken in so I have to continuously drink water so I don't have a headache or a hangover the next day. Alcohol weakens stomach lining. Alcohol weakens muscles, bones, and joints. The heart-beat become irregular. Nearly every organ and system within the body is adversely affected.

That's why I'm going to commit myself to stopping my alcohol use. While it may seem like it helps me out in having a good time, it actually does more harm than support. It's not worth feeling a dependency on alcohol in order to enjoy myself. Really, alcohol in itself has no supportive purpose whatsoever. I realize that now for myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to make a commitment with myself to stop my use of alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to misplace my self-trust by allowing myself to go back on the words I spoke to myself about stopping my alcohol use.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become tempted into alcohol consumption.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate drinking alcohol with a fun social gathering, like a party where everyone’s having a great time being drunk.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that with a night of drinking alcohol will come fun and open expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into pressure from my peers that I should drink alcohol in order to enjoy myself to the fullest extent in a party situation.

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to perceive that losing control of me is acceptable.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as uptight if I don’t have alcohol inside of me.

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to believe that it is harder for me to relax myself without a chemical aid such as alcohol.

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to find it acceptable that I should not care about the consequences of my actions and words, especially is I’m intoxicated.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to blame alcohol for abusive/stupid shit that comes out of my mouth when I’m drunk.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/imply that with alcohol use come open communication between beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that people generally don’t want to communicate openly and honestly with each other.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that I perceive others as unwilling to communicate open and honestly because I am afraid to without use of alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear open and honest communication with another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that social situations where intoxication is prevalent people are more likely to enjoy themselves and have a nice time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become tempted by a perceived notion that intoxication provides a fun/nice time within a group of people.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear what other people think of me when I do not consume alcohol within a party setting.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to simply say ‘no’ to alcohol consumption.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that not consuming alcohol within  a party setting is unethical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am unable to enjoy myself unconditionally within a social gathering without consumption of alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire being part of a group that consumes alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing a perceived position within a group of people at a social gathering who are consuming alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to a perceived position within  a group of people who consume alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the change within myself if I were to stop myself from consuming alcohol within social situations where alcohol Is provided.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience embarrassment if I don’t drink alcohol at a social situation where alcohol is provided.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to become attracted/attached to situations where I feel more open/easy going because I had consumed alcohol.

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to believe that if I consume alcohol it will alleviate stress within me.

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to believe that I require alcohol within social situations in order to relax.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that if I not directing myself to a relaxed state, that I need a catalyst to do so, than I am not standing clear within self-honesty in myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can communicate with females better if I am intoxicated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can get off easier with a female if I am intoxicated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience and participate within stress.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that alcohol will fix stress problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as an introvert or one who gains energy by being in solitude and expends energy in social situations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that alcohol helps me communicate better – instead of realizing that alcohol actually inhibits speech.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that I will not actually communicate better with others while I’m intoxicated, as it is only a perceived illusion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harm my physical body by consuming alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to work my liver harder than necessary by consuming alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harm my brain by letting it shrivel during consumption of alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself become dehydrated from consummation of alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to weaken my stomach by consuming alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to weaken my muscles, bones, and joints by consuming alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harm nearly every single organ and physical system within my body by consuming alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel remorse about consuming alcohol - when I see that it adversely affects me and those around me.

I realize that I am not this desire to consume alcohol.

I realize that I do not require alcohol to enjoy myself within social situations.

I realize that I am not this desire to be and experience myself as intoxication.

I realize that I am not this experience of temptation to consume more alcohol.

I realize that I am not this experience of not caring when I am drunk of alcohol.

I realize that I am not this perception of wanting to seem like a a part of the group/party when others within the group/party are consuming alcohol and I am not.

I commit myself to stopping my consumption of alcohol. I commit myself to never to give in to temptation of consuming alcohol. I commit myself to enjoy myself unconditionally without the use of chemical substances, such as alcohol. 

When and as I see myself experiencing a desire to consume alcohol, I stop myself from participating within a desire to consume alcohol - I stop and breath and realize that I am not this desire to consume alcohol, and I direct myself through this point of desiring alcohol with self-honesty and breath by breath I walk through it and I release it from myself.

When and as I see myself experiencing a desire to become intoxicated, I stop myself from participating within a desire to become intoxicated - I stop and breath and realize that I am not this desire to become intoxicated, and I direct myself through this point with self-honesty and breath by breath I walk through it and release it from myself.

DAY 10: I Worry That I Won't Know What to Communicate

This happens often when I consider that I am going to type out a bog for the day, I experience myself going into a fear that I will have nothing to say or write about. I can honestly say that it also has to do with a fear of myself not having anything to talk about. I've experienced this within myself during conversations within a group, where I'll often worry that I'm being too boring by not saying anything at all so then I worry that I'll have to say something just to keep the talking going, but a lot of times my mind will go blank likes it's sort of playing a game with me - as if it's attempting to perpetuate the silence within me. I even allow it to continue by defining myself as a listener or a good listener when I know within me that I have things to say or rather things I can speak up about, but I've let myself become silent as a listener/observer.

Another way I 'deal' with this point is when I have thoughts where I'll prepare conversations ahead of time with people in my thoughts. It's as if the thoughts are attempting to beacon to something that's not really there. The thoughts are sort of directed towards an idea/prediction of what a being is going to present themselves as at the moment I meet up with them in reality. This is fucked up because the grand majority of the time the conversations I've participating in within my mind never happen and instead of actually having the conversations I could have had I end up limiting the conversation to a lot of bullshit to talk about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within a fear/worry that I will not have anything to write about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear/worry about not having anything to talk about to people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within thoughts that I do not have anything to write about or say aloud.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear/worry that I will be perceived as boring if I remain silent for a moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must keep talking about things in order to seem interesting and/or to keep the conversation going.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my mind needs to be filled with a lot of interesting thoughts and idea in order for me to communicate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that my mind is playing tricks on me if it goes blank for a moment when I desire to speak up during a conversation - I realize that I am not this perception of the mind playing tricks on me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I require my mind in order to communicate - I realize that I do not require the mind in order to communicate.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a quiet person - I realize that I am not this definition I have labeled myself as a quiet person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perpetuate myself being quiet by continuing to not speak up and communicate to others.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to define myself as a listener in order to accept myself as silence and allowing myself to not speak up - I realize that I am not this definition of listener.

I forgive myself that I have accepted myself as being silent and not speaking up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a silent observer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changing myself from a silent observer to one who speaks up and communicates to others within oneness and equality - I realize that I am not this fear of change I experience as changing myself from observer to a participant within equality and oneness.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to prepare conversations ahead of time with people in my thoughts because I fear not having anything to say when I meet them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that I am directing thoughts towards an idea/prediction of what a being is going to present themselves as the moment I meet up with them in reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a presentation of myself by directing thoughts towards an idea of a supposed future event wherein I meet and speak with another being.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to have an actual conversation with a being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to only communicating about thoughts and ideas instead of participating in actual physical conversation.

I realize that I am not this fear/worry of not having anything to write about.

I realize that I am not this fear of not having anything to talk about.

When and as I see myself going into/participating within a fear of not having anything to talk/write about, I stop myself from participating within this fear of not having anything to communicate about and I realize that I am not this point of fear (or any point of fear), I stop and breath and direct myself within self honesty through and out of the point to release it from myself.

DAY 9: Opening Up Nervousness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust in hope instead of trusting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that hope is something real that I am able to trust.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to trust myself.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to completely trust my self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that I will free myself from the mind as thoughts, thought constructs/patterns, idea, feelings, and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that I won't fall into a distrust of self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that I won't fall.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience inferiority upon myself such that I trust in hope instead of trusting myself unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience nervousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the experience of nervousness is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as nervousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the nervousness I feel from time to time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as inferior to my voice and my words that I speak.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that I am the words I speak.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as inferior to the systems I have created and currently participate in - I realize that I am the systems I have created and participate in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as inferior to the world system - I am the world system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as inferior to money/the money system - I realize I am the money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as inferior to Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as inferior to existence/The Universe - I realize I am the universe/existence and the universe is within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that I will survive in the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the hope to survive and exist with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience/participate in nervousness when I have moved myself into a situation that I am unfamiliar with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience nervousness/anxiety when I am left alone with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I require another with me in order to feel secure/stable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience nervousness when I am questioned about self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience nervousness when I am asked 'personal' questions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience nervousness when I move myself with self-directive application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience nervousness when the attention of a room full of people is directed at me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that I will remain stable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience nervousness when I anticipate myself becoming unstable in non-existent future events.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience nervousness about possibly losing myself as the breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel nervous about facing myself as manifested consequence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry when and as I see myself experiencing nervousness - instead of stopping, having a look at why I feel nervous, and correcting it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a shy person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shy around people I am not familiar with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience shyness/nervousness when and as I perceive myself to be in the company of others I've labeled as superior to me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to perceive others that have a job as being superior to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive others as superior to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that I get a job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that I have a girlfriend someday.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that I am not sick.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that I am able to support myself in the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience nervousness when applying for a job/being interviewed for a job.

I  forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience nervousness/shyness when I am in the company of a female I perceive as attractive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel nervous/fear about getting sick.

I realize that I am not hope and am not to trust in hope, but to trust in myself.

I realize that I am not nervousness and I when I experience nervousness I am only experiencing a mind-fuck derived from trusting in hope.

I realize that I am not inferior to anything in this existence and no one is superior to me; we are all equal and one as who we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become.

When and as I see myself participating in an experience of hoping for something or trusting in hope, I stop myself from participating within hope and/or trusting in hope and realize that I am hoping for something/trusting in hope and I am not this false hope I am participating in - I stop and breath and I direct myself through the point of hope and instead trust myself and direct myself within self-honesty to release myself from the point of placing trust in hope.

When and as I see myself participating in nervousness, I stop  myself from participating within nervousness I realize that I am not this nervousness I am experiencing - I stop and breath and direct myself within self-honesty and direct myself through the point of nervousness to release it from myself.

When and as I see myself experiencing inferiority towards another, I stop mself from participating in perception of inferiority and I realize that I am not inferior to another - I stop and I breath and direct myself within self-honesty to release it from myself.

DAY 8: A Fear, Myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing myself as this reality as consequence of what has been accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear the reality of myself such that I desire to sleep through my life like it's a bad dream only to wake up when it's over and everything has been fixed without me having to do anything - I realize that I am a participant within this reality and therefore I am self-responsible for what has transpired/what is happening here so I face the consequences of what has been accepted and allowed no matter what.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to desire to sleep through my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire sleeping for eternity, instead of facing myself and manifested consequence - I realize that I am not this desire to sleep, but the desire to sleep forever is a self-defense mechanism of the ego designed to keep me asleep instead of waking up and facing myself directly with open eyes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear walking a process of self because I am aware of the nature of myself as thoughts, feelings, and emotions and I would rather not face the truth of myself as who I really am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a comfortableness within the mind as thoughts, feelings, and emotions because that is currently all I've ever known and I've never taken the time to have a look and see if there is anything more to this reality than that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare reality to a bad dream, hoping that it will just go away and I can wake up later when it's over.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that the fucked up state of existence will simply pass on without any time taken to change what's actually going on within myself which causes the current state of existence as manifested consequence of thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the state of the world may pass on by itself, like a dream, where I can sleep and do nothing in order for a change to come about - I realize that in order for a change to happen, I must change myself first in order for an externalization of change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tempt myself into giving up on myself so I do not have to face myself head on through self-writing, self-forgiveness, and self-directive application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire giving up on myself and sleeping until I die so that I don't have to put up with physical reality as it stands in this moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire that walking a process of self to be easier - I realize that walking a process of self take dedication, discipline, and will be difficult, but all in all simple.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that walking a process of self is simple as it is really just breathing, self-writing, self-forgiveness, self-directive application, self-honesty, and walking through the process and existence itself within the principle of equality and oneness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself as this physical existence - I realize that I am physical and existence is within me and outside me as me in oneness and equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel discouraged about waking myself out of my sleep and having to face this reality that I have accepted and allowed to exist as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push off self-writing, self-forgiveness, and self-directive application by sleeping myself through it - I realize that sleeping through self-writing, self-forgiveness, and self-directive application is absolutely impractical and ineffective as I will come to it again no matter if I sleep or not because I cannot sleep forever.

I realize that I am not this fear of facing myself. I realize that I am not this fear of facing reality and physical existence.

I commit myself to face myself in all facets of reality as what I have accepted and allowed. I commit myself to face myself as the mind of thoughts, feelings and emotions. I commit myself to face the physical reality and all the manifested consequences of what has been accepted and allowed.

When and as I see myself going into/participating in a fear of facing myself as reality and what I have accepted and allowed, I stop myself from participating within the fear of facing myself as this reality as what I have accepted and allowed and realize that I am not this fear of facing myself, but it is a fear of the mind as it has to look itself in the mirror directly without any smoke or deception - I stop and breath and I direct myself through the point of facing myself with and as self-honesty and, getting through the point, I release myself from it.

DAY 7: Unfolding Some Points of Anger

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anger when I know that I will direct myself to write a blog everyday and I simply don’t want to do it because of laziness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in being angry at myself for realizing that I have allowed laziness within me and I don’t want to take the time to self-write or write self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in feeling lazy about self-writing and then becoming angry when I walk through the laziness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed laziness to exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anger at people who live in the same house as me seemingly making too much noise and thus I lash out by cursing at the air.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that becoming angry will effectively/practically remove the point that is causing me to react in anger at a noise being made.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that experiencing myself as anger will assist and support myself – instead I realize that anger only harms myself as my physical human body and is a limiting experience of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger towards myself for having not taken the time to do well in school – I realize that I cannot change what I have done in the past, I can only change who I am here as my past in the moment through forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that won’t ‘get anywhere’ in life because I have supposedly wasted an opportunity to do well in school and/or life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having done well for myself and instead had been lazy in school.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger towards another when they attempt to make conversation with me about something I don’t want to talk about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that another can waste my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger when I believe another is wasting my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed by time, believing time belongs to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger toward another when and as I perceive them as acting/being stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive others as stupid.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that when I experience anger towards another for being stupid, I am actually experiencing anger towards myself for a reaction to a perception of another being stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger towards myself when I perceive myself as acting/being stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as stupidity.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself as an idiot.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger towards another who is accusing me of acting/being angry – I realize the fuckup I’ve created for myself as I am only validating the anger another perceives me as being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that anger empowers me or makes me stronger – I realize that the illusion of strength through anger comes from the experience of a ‘burning’ sensation, originating from energy as the mind.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that anger in fact makes me less empowered as anger is an experience as the mind and ego – I realize that actual power lies within breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as an angry person.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that anger is a result of fear compounding in the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger towards compounding fear – instead of stopping the fear in a moment as fear is a design to keep myself within the confines of the mind.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that anger is a result of fearing to lose something that the fear of loss becomes so strong that I fight in anger towards another/myself to keep the things that seemingly belong to me as thoughts/feelings/emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger when I perceive something being lost to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can lose anything as everything in existence is always Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger when another is seemingly threatening my ego or what I perceive as belonging to me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger when I as perceiving myself as losing something that belongs to me ie my Ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my mind as thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry when I am not remaining stable in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself experience of anger- though I realize that anger in and of it is not me, it is an experience of energy constructed through the mind, by a compounding of fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at myself for realizing the limitations I have allowed myself to participate in as thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

I realize that I am not my experience of myself as anger. I realize I am not the emotion I experience as anger. 

I realize that I am not the experience of myself as laziness or being lazy.

I realize that I am not the experience of myself as stupidity or idiocy.

When and as I see myself participating within an experience of myself as reacting in anger towards another, towards a situation, or towards myself, I stop myself from participating within the experience of anger and realize that I am not this point of anger/I am not this experience of anger - I stop and breath and I direct myself through the point of anger with self-honesty to thus release it from myself it.

When and as I see myself participating within an experience of myself as reacting in laziness towards a point of self-direction, I stop myself from participating within the point of laziness and realize that I am not this point of laziness/experience of laziness - I stop and breath and I direct myself through the point of laziness with self-honesty to release it from myself from it.

When and as I see myself participating within an experience of myself as reacting in stupidity towards myself for seemingly fucking something up, I stop myself from participating within the experience of myself as stupidity and realize that I am not this point of stupidity I am participating in/experiencing myself as - I stop and breath and I direct myself through the point of laziness with self-honesty to release myself from it.

DAY 6: Relationship With My Sister

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form a relationship with my sister based on competition of who can gain the most favor from my parents and family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am required as the older brother to compete with my sister to show her how life is 'supposed' to be lived and to 'push her down' to prove that I am the superior member of the family by way of seniority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must keep myself in a higher position of favor in the family by keeping my sister 'down' through actions and words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that an effective relationship with a family member is based on competition of the two members of the family and 'getting ahead' off one another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to purposefully annoy my sister from time to time to create instability in her life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within feelings of anger and frustration directed at my sister because apparently she is invading my space within the household and family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within feelings of frustration towards my sister for seemingly making to much of a mess and too much noise in the house - feelings which are based off of a belief that she is already 'invading' 'my space'.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to see that the emotions of anger and frustration towards my sister originate from a belief that I am superior to my sister.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am superior to my sister - instead of realizing that I am my sister as we came from the same source.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that feeling superior to my sister is based in ego and ego is based on feeling that one is superior to another because of beliefs or knowledge.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that within the illusion of directing the feelings of anger and frustration 'towards' my sister, the feelings are felt by me and only affect me in my experience and by doing so I only harm myself and my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to label my sister as stupid for not acting the same way I do to my parents - acting in a way that hides truth from the so that it doesn't upset them so I can keep comfortable staying in a home that provides food and shelter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to label sister as a bitch because she acts in anger by shouting towards my parents and lying to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to label my sister as an idiot for doing seemingly worse that I have done through my process here on Earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/judge my sister as less than I am because of the age difference within the family.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to perceive/judge my sister as less than me for being a female with the family.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize than in perceiving/judging my sister as less than me, I am actually creating myself as less than for allowing myself to see another as myself as less than me.

I realize within self-honesty that I am not in a competition with my sister

I realize within self-honesty that I am not these feelings of anger or frustration directed at my sister.

I realize within self-honesty that I am not the labels I have given my sister and she is not the labels I have given her.

I realize within self-honesty that I am not these perceptions/judgments that I have cast on my sister and neither is she the perceptions/judgments that I have given her.

When and as I see myself participating within competition of mind through the relationship with my sister, I stop myself from participating in competition with my sister and realize that I am not this point of competition, I stop and breath and I direct myself through the point of competing with my sister with self-honesty to thus release it from my being forever

When and as I see myself participating within feelings of anger and frustration towards my sister, I stop my from participating within the feelings of anger/frustration and realize that I am not these points, I stop and breath and I direct myself through the point with self-honesty and release it from my being forever.

When and as I see myself participating within labeling my sister, I stop myself from participating in labeling my sister and realize that I am not these points of labeling my sister, I stop and breath and I direct myself  with self-honesty through the point of labeling my sister to thus release it from my being forever.

When and as I see myself participating in perceiving/judging my sister as something she is not, I stop myself from participating within perceptions/judging my sister and realize that I am not these points, I stop and breath and I direct myself through the point with self-honesty to thus release it from my being forever.

DAY 5: Work and Fun Reactions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and react to a system of polarity wherein I react negatively to situations I've labeled/defined as work and react positively to situations I've labeled/defined as fun.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to label situations I perceive as being 'work'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to label situations I perceive as being 'fun'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare self-writing to homework.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive homework negatively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react negatively to sitting down and self-writing because I had compared self-writing to homework.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react negatively to situations I had only labeled 'work'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react positively to situations I had only labeled 'fun'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger if I know that I have to do something 'work' related.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to limit my expression to negative polarity when I  engage myself in work related activities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my expression to a positive polarity when I engage myself in playful situations.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that in creating or experience situations as positive, I create a negative reaction for myself later and for others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can only enjoy myself if I am participating in 'fun' situations - instead of realizing that every moment is a moment to know myself better than the last and that I am able to enjoy at all times.

I realize that I am not a system of polarities based in work and fun as reacting negatively to work and positively to fun.

I realize that I am not a negative reaction to a situation perceived only as work.

I realize that I am not a positive reaction to a situation perceived only as fun.

I realize that I am not these perceptions I've created for myself as viewing things as work.or fun.

I realize that self-writing is not something to be compared to as I limit it if I put a comparison next to it.

I realize that self-forgiveness is not something to be compared to as it is a stand-alone tool to gift myself back to myself and nothing else can do that but self-forgiveness.

When and as I see myself going into a negative reaction to working, I stop myself from participating in the negative reaction, I stop and I breath and I realize that I direct myself and not a negative reaction, thus I self-move according to what is best for all.

When and as I see myself going into a positive reaction to a fun situation, I stop myself from participating in the negative reaction, I stop and I breath and I realize that I direct myself, not a positive reaction, thus I self-move according to what is best for all.

When and as I see myself going into perceiving a situation as negative/work or positive/fun, I stop myself from participating in the perception, I stop and I breath and realize that I direct myself, a perception does not move me. Thus I self-move according to what is best for all.

When and as I see myself comparing self-writing to something, I stop myself from participating in the comparison, I stop and I breath and I direct myself according to what is best for all, instead of a comparison to another moving myself.

When and as I see myself comparing self-forgiveness to another, I stop myself from participating within the comparison, I stop and I breath and I direct myself according to what is best for all and the comparison no longer directs me.

DAY 4: Procrastination

A point that comes up that I'm still dealing with when I decide that I am going to type a blog is procrastination. I have that tendency to want to wait until later to write a blog. I tell myself that I will get it done, but I can do it later. Two times today I decided to sit down and write, but I didn't move myself to write. Instead of writing I went off to do something else. That's why I'm just getting it done now.

Procrastination has been a 'favorite' excuse of mine over the years. I remember labeling myself as a master procrastinator when I was younger. Through these words I had programmed myself as a procrastinator and it became a sort of belief system for me. My belief was that important things can always wait until the last second, just as long as it gets done. I've taken an honest look at myself and I find this excuse unacceptable.

How can anything get done in fact if I am always waiting for the last second to get it done? It isn't practical to let everything accumulate and build up to a point where there's so much to get done that it becomes very difficult to actually get it done. It isn't enough for me to intend to get something done, I actually have to do it through me as me. It's much more effective to nip problems in the bud when they are small so they cannot become big problems. This is how it's playing out on Earth. If problems are taken a look at with Common Sense i.e. doing what is best for all, then there wouldn't be any problems in the first place.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate in typing out self-writing and self-forgiveness - instead of doing it as self-movement within the moment I decide to self-write and then self-forgive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself that it is okay to procrastinate or wait, that I can get it done later - I realize that procrastination is an unacceptable excuse as waiting only perpetuates the deceptive thought patterns and mind constructs that prevent me from self-moving to make change that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rate procrastination as a favorite excuse of mine to use as a way to put off important tasks needed to be accomplished now only to get done later - instead of getting it done in the moment, straight away, without excuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a 'master procrastinator' - I realize I am not this self-definition I have given myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a procrastinator.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself into a system of procrastination as waiting to get things done - instead of doing what is best for all in the present moment as self-movement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is acceptable to procrastinate; that it is acceptable to wait to self-write and self-forgive - I realize that the longer I wait the more the thoughts/feelings/emotions compound and compress me, thus it is impractical and ineffective to wait.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that important tasks can wait to finish until the last moment, just as long as it gets done - instead of moving myself to finish the task at hand in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that things can get done if I allow them to accumulate and build up, just as long as I intend to finish what I have set out to do - I realize that intent is useless and I actually have to self-direct and self-move to get things done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that intention is the same or similar to self-directed movement.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to nip problems when they are only beginning - instead of when they have become a big problem.

I realize that I am not procrastination.

I realize that I am not a system of believing in procrastination.

I realize that procrastination is not practical nor is it effective in any way what-so-ever.

When and as I see myself reacting to a task that needs to be done such as self-writing or typing up a blog, and instead begin going into procrastination, I stop myself  from participating within the point of procrastination, I breathe and I realize that I am going into procrastination so I stop and employ self-directive and I move myself out of procrastination breath by breath do what needs to be done.

DAY 3: A Fear of Seeming Crazy

I have fear of seeming crazy when I talk to people about things. This has shown itself a lot more since I've been self-writing and self-forgiving more and posting it out in 'public', on Facebook primarily. The word 'crazy' implies something out of the ordinary, even mad or insane. I suppose the 'ordinary' could be considered what the 'norm' of the world is in the present time period. To me, it seems the 'norm' of the world is accepting of secrecy, uncertainty, following patterns that society has laid out as sort of ground rules for the people to follow and 'living' by or being a part of the system in society; keeping things the way they have been for quite some time. There are other accepted norms of course. Looks like what the current normal accepted social patterns that the world stands as today isn't working. The current system doesn't support Life in any way what-so-ever.

What seems crazy to me is that the tools of self-honest self-writing and self-forgiveness would be taken at face-value as crazy or insane. What's crazy about open and honest communication and exposing ourselves as who we to one another as human beings? Or giving ourselves back to ourselves instead of being distracted by buzzing in our heads? I would definitely rather be completely honest with a person than to lie to another and only speak words that I have perceived as the words they only want to hear. I've had enough of the bullshit.

Along with this fear comes the fear of speaking aloud in front of others. It goes along with the fear of seeming crazy. I fear that even speaking out words might make me seems crazy. There's no reason that I shouldn't feel totally comfortable with speaking up. Speaking is very pleasant actually.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I might be perceived as crazy for communicating about self-honesty with another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I might be perceived as crazy for communicating about self-forgiveness with another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I might be perceived as crazy for communicating about self-writing with another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I might be perceived as crazy for communicating about things that are different to the current socially accepted norms.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that what I blog about or self-write might be taken at face-value as crazy or insane.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others might perceive my blogs/writing as crazy/insane.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become affected by the judgments of other human beings judging me or what I've blogged about as out of the ordinary or socially unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the Seven Year Process to Nothingness might be considered crazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that people might take the Seven Year Process to Nothingness as negative.

I forgive myself that I am accepting and allowing myself to worry that I might not be posting enough in a blog for people to understand the words that I communicate - I realize that I only need to write what is required for me to understand and realize for myself the points that I face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking in front of people - I realize that I am not this fear of speaking in front of people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking out at seemingly random times, when others might deem it unacceptable - I realize/understand that at all time is an acceptable time to stand up within myself and speak.

I realize that I am not this fear of being perceived as crazy.

I realize that I am not this fear of people perceiving my blogs as crazy.

I realize that I am not really being affected by other people's judgments, but that the mind makes it
'believable' that I am and only I can give permission to being affected by another's judgments, therefore I am responsible for what I accept and allow within me.

When and as I see myself going into fear as what others are perceiving me as, as if I am being perceived as crazy, I stop myself from participating in the fear of being perceived as crazy, I breath and realize that I am the director of myself and the fear does not move me/that I am not the fear of being perceived as crazy - I stop and delete the fear in a breath.

When and as I see myself reacting in fear to what I am perceiving people are perceiving my blogs as possibly crazy, I stop myself from participating in the fear of being perceived as crazy, I breath and realize that I am the director of myself and this fear doesn't move me/I not this fear that people may perceive my blogs as crazy - I stop and let it go with one breath.

When and as I see myself being affected through fearing other people's judgments, I stop myself from participating in fearing people's judgments, I breath and realize that I am not this fear of other people's judgments and I am directing myself and this fear does not, so I stop and let it go with one breath.

When and as I see myself reacting in fear to speaking up in front of others, I stop myself from participating in the fear of speaking up in front of others, I breath and realize that I am not this fear of speaking up in front of others and I am directing myself and this fear does not move me - I stop, I let it go with one breath.

DAY 2: Spitefulness

Acting in spitefulness is acting in a way to deliberately offend, harm, or annoy someone.

I do things sometimes to piss people off on purpose. I’m seeing this in memories and more present experiences throughout my whole life where I had gone ‘out of my way’ to make someone upset just because I get a kick out of it. Seeing someone put off, creeped out, or annoyed by what I was enacting would give me a 'high'. That feeling of highness is a feeling or superiority and control. I felt control over the person by seeing them annoyed or upset by what I had said or done. I do it because I've been upset with myself for seemingly having no control over my life, and I desire to see the same in others; I desire to see them lose control over themselves as their emotions rise, whereby I seemingly get a ‘rise’ myself out of it as entertainment. Though, in reality, I had only been perpetuating the upsets in myself by not stopping myself from the get-go as I did not stop myself from spiting others. Just like anything I do, it is a ‘reflection’ of who and what I allow myself to be.

Spite is one of the primary causes of the suffering that is allowed and accepted in the world as it stands today. Labeling a different colored person as a ‘racial slur’ is done in spitefulness. Accepting the way the world is currently is done purposefully/willfully done and it is harming others; it is done in spitefulness. Accepting me as a body of thoughts feelings and emotions that cause me suffering is done in spite of myself as who I really am.

I see that this spitefulness has become who I am and I have allowed myself to live as. I notice that in my past I could have made decisions that would have benefited myself and would not have been a 'deliberate' offense to people by only helping myself, but instead I decided to 'stick it to em' by allowing myself take the route that I believed was annoying people or offending people when in fact it was only affecting my experience of life and making things more difficult for myself. As an example, doing poorly in school was a way to spite my parents and teachers that ‘saw potential’ in me and I wanted to 'prove them wrong'. I willfully didn't do the work I could have done in school to better educate myself or make my life easier, but instead I was addicted to a feeling of control over myself and others through spiting them. The feeling of control was in fact controlling me when I am moved my a feeling instead of a self-directive.

Self-forgiveness is a way to give the power back to myself. I give myself permission to stop holding on to the ties of past experience, limitation, abuse, and how I am harming myself/other with deceptive mind constructs. I will also make sure not to create another pattern by fearing to spite another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to purposely annoy or offend people through spite because in doing so I feel a high of superiority or control for a moment as a mind created experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel myself as being superior to others or in control of others by/through spiting them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel in control of myself by spiting others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience as a rise in energy when and as I experience myself seeing another experiencing a rise in their emotions of annoyance/fear/pain.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel upset with myself, believing that I had no direct control over myself, so I instead spite another and feel a control over another by observing their seeming loss of control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel/experience myself as inferior to my self-directive-will - I realize that I am not inferior to my self-directive will; that I am my self-directive will.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a desire within myself to observe and/or experience the harm/annoyance/fear of another that has been 'caused' by my actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a desire within myself to observe and/or experience a rise in another’s emotions as an experience of entertainment for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a desire to be entertained by spiting another and seeing the harm/annoyance/fear that they experience and exhibit.

I forgive myself that I had not allowed myself to see/realize that in spiting another I actually have no control over their experience of emotions/feelings; that they are responsible for their own emotions/feelings.

I forgive myself that I had not allowed myself to see/realize that I had only been perpetuating the upset within myself as experiencing myself as having no control over my direction by spiting others and believing myself to have control over another.

I forgive myself that I had not allowed myself to realize that in spiting another I am in fact spiting myself.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that what I see in another is a direct reflection upon myself in my experience of and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and experience myself as the embodiment of spite and spitefulness towards others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my past as acting as a spiteful human being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shame for my past as having lived in spite of others - I realize that I am not to be ashamed of my past and I am not this shame I had experienced.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to believe that in spiting another I was proving their claim wrong, that I had potential or could help myself effectively, when I wasn’t actually proving anything against their claims – I was only harming myself and making things more difficult for myself.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed a feeling of spitefulness to move and direct me instead of me practicing self-direction and self-will to not be moved by an elusive feeling/thought/emotion of spite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse another by spiting them.

EDIT:  I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that I have been spiting others, harming/annoying/bring pain through emotion to them, because I had seen the world as being spiteful towards me and I only reflected the world I saw back onto others as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the world had become spiteful of its own volition and not through the creation of it as creator as I have created the world to be spiteful and I had become spiteful through my self-created patterns of spitefulness.

I realize that I am not this spitefulness towards others.

I realize I am not this spitefulness towards myself.

I realize that I am not this feeling of superiority or control when others are moved by one spiting another.

I realize that I am not this feeling of inferiority towards myself as self-direction.

I realize that I am not the desire to see others moved by my spiting them.

When and as I see myself going into acting through spitefulness, I stop and breathe and I realize that I am moving myself towards spite and creating a loop for myself - going through another experience of spite. I then stop myself from experiencing an act of spite, I move myself, and I let spitefulness go with a breath

When and as I see myself going into an experience of spiting self, I stop myself from participating in spite towards self, I breathe and I realize that I am going into a spiteful reaction and putting myself there, I stop myself from spite and I release the spite towards myself through breath.

When and as I experience myself as being superior or in control of others by spiting them, I stop myself from participating in the experience of control or being superior to another through spite; I breathe and I realize that I am having a mind created experience of superiority and/or control. I stop myself from experiencing superiority and control and I delete it through a breath.

When and as I see myself experiencing inferiority towards my own self-direction, I stop myself from participating in the experience of inferiority towards myself, I breathe and I realize that I am experiencing a mindfuck and the experience of inferiority is in fact not real. I stop myself from experiencing inferiority and delete it with one breath.

When and as I see myself experiencing a desire to spite another, I stop myself from participating in the experience of desiring to spite another, I breathe and I realize that I experience a deception as desire to spite another, I stop myself from experiencing a desire to spite another and I delete with a breath.

DAY 1: Pushing Through Resistance to Writing

I am beginning my process of 7 years of writing myself to nothingness. Nothingness is the minute point; the point of oneness and equality. It will take a minimum of seven years because that is the minimum amount of time required for a human body to recycle its old cells out to have fresh cells. I am removing all the points of separation from my mind so that nothing of my dishonesty remains but this body and a self-honest me that supports all life. From there I can create myself to bring about an economic system that supports all life equally, the Equal Money System. I with the group of Desteni are doing this for ourselves to bring about the necessary change so that no longer is Life abused and subsidized as something that must be 'bought' but is provided for from birth till death, unconditionally.

There have been resistances and points of fear that I pushed through to write this first blog. I've been pushing off self-writing as it is, I'm stopping it for myself. I stop it with this first post and next post and next post and all posts to come. I've seen the effectiveness of self-forgiveness within myself and I realize that this is a reaction to my direction to commit to self-writing as FEAR.

 There is a fear of commitment. I've never committed myself to anything for 7 years, willingly, let alone every single day for seven years straight. As I'm writing this out, I push through the illusion of fear. There was a point of fearing the change in myself that I would see as I continued to write for self-forgiveness for 7 years minimum. Would I see myself slip away? Would I cease to exist? Obviously this is my mind projecting a future scenario as fear of non-existence to become distracted for a moment, I'm still here, right now, and, no I will not cease to exist by typing out blogs.  There's the fear of hearing/seeing what others might think of me when they see that I'm writing this blog. In these words I see that I have a fear of exposing myself to people I know, I have a fear of people knowing who I am; I've been afraid to become self-intimate with me. The fear of 'not having anything to write about' is odd since I know I do have so much to write about. This point of fear alludes to a desire to exhibit my writing as 'entertaining' for other people when this writing is simply about writing myself out and self-forgiving the thoughts, feelings, and emotions; it doesn't have to look pretty or read nice.

This will be a daily process of seeing and identifying the patterns I've created for myself and removing those patterns to really become a blank slate to create myself into and as a living being, not a being of patterns and systems. I breath through the process, one breathe at a time - moment by moment. I will do this through writing out all the patterns and systems I act by, by writing myself out, whether it be on paper or on the keyboard so I can see with my own eyes what I've accepted and allowed myself to participate and live as. Then I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be/participate/become the patterns/systems/thoughts,feelings, and emotions that deceive myself and others and in self-forgiveness I become self-honest. I then write out the self-corrective statements and self-corrective applications so, by my word, I never allow myself to participate in those thought patterns and systems, feelings/emotions again.

Let's have some fun!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist self-writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear writing myself out because of seeing who I am through the self-writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a reactionary self-defense mechanism to self-writing by pushing if off for days and not seeing that I’m only allowing myself to perpetuate the procrastination and bullshit that I’m allowing myself to live as.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear committing myself and dedicating myself to self-writing everyday so I can see myself in physical word form and know myself for who and what I really am.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear committing myself to a process of self-writing and self-forgiveness for 7 years, everyday of the year, straight through until I get it done and remove all of the self-deceptive points I keep within myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear the change I will bring in myself through self-writing and self-forgiveness because I have realized that the tools of self-writing and self-forgiveness have been proven effective to me as a process of removing systems that support ego and thought constructs and I as my mind fears losing itself in this way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fearing to lose myself; fearing to die.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear hearing and/or seeing what others think of my committing myself to a seven year process to nothingness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others are thinking.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear exposing myself to my friends and/or family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people knowing who I really am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being self-intimate by and through a process of self-writing and self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear ‘not having anything to blog about’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire exhibiting myself as an entertainer through writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear boring others with my blogs.

I realize that I am not the reaction in self-defense to push myself away from self-writing.

I realize that I am not the fear of committing myself to blogging for seven years. I realize that this process will be a process of writing and blogging, day by day and takes time. I realize that 7 years passes in a moment

I realize that I am not the fear of change; I am not the fear of changing myself into a living being instead of a systematized organic robot.

I realize that I am not this fear of hearing/seeing what others are thinking/speaking about me; I realize that I am not the fear of what others think.

I realize that I am not the fear I have of exposing myself to others and I am not the fear of self-intimacy.

I realize that I am not this desire to entertain people through my blogging.

I realize that I am not required to make sure that other people are not feeling bored.

When and as I see myself going into the reaction of fearing commitment/fearing self-writing/fearing self-honesty, I stop and breathe and I realize that I am going into a reaction and looping myself into fear, I then stop myself from fearing the commitment, fearing self-writing, and fearing self-honesty and a I let it go with one moment of breath.

When and as I see myself going into a reaction of fearing change, I stop myself from participating in the reaction, I breathe and I realize that I am going into reaction and putting myself in this position of fear, so I stop myself and let go of the fear in one breath.

When and as I see myself going into a reaction of fearing self-exposure and self-intimacy, I stop myself from participating within the fear of change, I breathe and I realize that I am putting myself into the reaction of fear, so then I stop myself and I let the fear go with a breath.

When and as I See myself going into a reaction of fearing what people are thinking, I stop myself from participating in the fear of what others think, I breathe and I realize that I am putting myself into the position of reacting fearfully to what others are thinking, so I stop myself and let the fear go with a breath.

When and as I see myself go into a reaction of fearing my self-writing as not being entertaining enough, I stop and realize that I am causing myself to participate in this fear, I breathe and I let the fear go.