DAY 1: Pushing Through Resistance to Writing

I am beginning my process of 7 years of writing myself to nothingness. Nothingness is the minute point; the point of oneness and equality. It will take a minimum of seven years because that is the minimum amount of time required for a human body to recycle its old cells out to have fresh cells. I am removing all the points of separation from my mind so that nothing of my dishonesty remains but this body and a self-honest me that supports all life. From there I can create myself to bring about an economic system that supports all life equally, the Equal Money System. I with the group of Desteni are doing this for ourselves to bring about the necessary change so that no longer is Life abused and subsidized as something that must be 'bought' but is provided for from birth till death, unconditionally.

There have been resistances and points of fear that I pushed through to write this first blog. I've been pushing off self-writing as it is, I'm stopping it for myself. I stop it with this first post and next post and next post and all posts to come. I've seen the effectiveness of self-forgiveness within myself and I realize that this is a reaction to my direction to commit to self-writing as FEAR.

 There is a fear of commitment. I've never committed myself to anything for 7 years, willingly, let alone every single day for seven years straight. As I'm writing this out, I push through the illusion of fear. There was a point of fearing the change in myself that I would see as I continued to write for self-forgiveness for 7 years minimum. Would I see myself slip away? Would I cease to exist? Obviously this is my mind projecting a future scenario as fear of non-existence to become distracted for a moment, I'm still here, right now, and, no I will not cease to exist by typing out blogs.  There's the fear of hearing/seeing what others might think of me when they see that I'm writing this blog. In these words I see that I have a fear of exposing myself to people I know, I have a fear of people knowing who I am; I've been afraid to become self-intimate with me. The fear of 'not having anything to write about' is odd since I know I do have so much to write about. This point of fear alludes to a desire to exhibit my writing as 'entertaining' for other people when this writing is simply about writing myself out and self-forgiving the thoughts, feelings, and emotions; it doesn't have to look pretty or read nice.

This will be a daily process of seeing and identifying the patterns I've created for myself and removing those patterns to really become a blank slate to create myself into and as a living being, not a being of patterns and systems. I breath through the process, one breathe at a time - moment by moment. I will do this through writing out all the patterns and systems I act by, by writing myself out, whether it be on paper or on the keyboard so I can see with my own eyes what I've accepted and allowed myself to participate and live as. Then I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be/participate/become the patterns/systems/thoughts,feelings, and emotions that deceive myself and others and in self-forgiveness I become self-honest. I then write out the self-corrective statements and self-corrective applications so, by my word, I never allow myself to participate in those thought patterns and systems, feelings/emotions again.

Let's have some fun!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist self-writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear writing myself out because of seeing who I am through the self-writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a reactionary self-defense mechanism to self-writing by pushing if off for days and not seeing that I’m only allowing myself to perpetuate the procrastination and bullshit that I’m allowing myself to live as.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear committing myself and dedicating myself to self-writing everyday so I can see myself in physical word form and know myself for who and what I really am.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear committing myself to a process of self-writing and self-forgiveness for 7 years, everyday of the year, straight through until I get it done and remove all of the self-deceptive points I keep within myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear the change I will bring in myself through self-writing and self-forgiveness because I have realized that the tools of self-writing and self-forgiveness have been proven effective to me as a process of removing systems that support ego and thought constructs and I as my mind fears losing itself in this way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fearing to lose myself; fearing to die.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear hearing and/or seeing what others think of my committing myself to a seven year process to nothingness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others are thinking.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear exposing myself to my friends and/or family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people knowing who I really am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being self-intimate by and through a process of self-writing and self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear ‘not having anything to blog about’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire exhibiting myself as an entertainer through writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear boring others with my blogs.

I realize that I am not the reaction in self-defense to push myself away from self-writing.

I realize that I am not the fear of committing myself to blogging for seven years. I realize that this process will be a process of writing and blogging, day by day and takes time. I realize that 7 years passes in a moment

I realize that I am not the fear of change; I am not the fear of changing myself into a living being instead of a systematized organic robot.

I realize that I am not this fear of hearing/seeing what others are thinking/speaking about me; I realize that I am not the fear of what others think.

I realize that I am not the fear I have of exposing myself to others and I am not the fear of self-intimacy.

I realize that I am not this desire to entertain people through my blogging.

I realize that I am not required to make sure that other people are not feeling bored.

When and as I see myself going into the reaction of fearing commitment/fearing self-writing/fearing self-honesty, I stop and breathe and I realize that I am going into a reaction and looping myself into fear, I then stop myself from fearing the commitment, fearing self-writing, and fearing self-honesty and a I let it go with one moment of breath.

When and as I see myself going into a reaction of fearing change, I stop myself from participating in the reaction, I breathe and I realize that I am going into reaction and putting myself in this position of fear, so I stop myself and let go of the fear in one breath.

When and as I see myself going into a reaction of fearing self-exposure and self-intimacy, I stop myself from participating within the fear of change, I breathe and I realize that I am putting myself into the reaction of fear, so then I stop myself and I let the fear go with a breath.

When and as I See myself going into a reaction of fearing what people are thinking, I stop myself from participating in the fear of what others think, I breathe and I realize that I am putting myself into the position of reacting fearfully to what others are thinking, so I stop myself and let the fear go with a breath.

When and as I see myself go into a reaction of fearing my self-writing as not being entertaining enough, I stop and realize that I am causing myself to participate in this fear, I breathe and I let the fear go.